Countdown To Never

Being a teenager is all about anticipation. You know your life is a mess when as soon as you wake up you look forward to the end of your day and getting back in bed. Teenagehood and college are all about thinking ahead. Don't pretend you don't sit in class and watch the clock tick on by. It might be my favorite new passtime. Get ready to read up on more collegiate hilarity and the significance in counting down to never.

Wednesday somehow turned into a massive day of nonstop go. I wake up and I have to read some sociology stuff and I'm thinking, is sociology is the study of people, then why isn't there a study on me. I'm pretty sure people would much more like to learn about me then some dumb-ology. I get ready and head to biology where awkwardly no one sits around me. I'm thinking, I know I don't smell bad, my scent is Old Spice "Matterhorn" like ice, wind, and mountain freshness. It's whatever, we talk about meiosis, and all I know is that it produces the gametes that come together to make fetuses, which become babies, which is all I care about. It's on to HCOL where we get our midterms back. Believe it when I say I was counting down to never and holding my breath when my packet was passed back to me. I got an 87B, which was a total shock, but I'll take it. Then things take a turn for the super uncomfortable when our professor started talking about getting the evaluations and working on changing her attitude and the way she addresses us. I just sat, wide-eyed, and quiet. Class eventually ends, and it's upstairs to see my boy Krabby Patty. I'm hungry so we head to the Marché for some food. Some sort of contraption resembling a sandwich is on the menu with sweet potato fries. We come back to our room and I get to eating and soon it's time for the chemistry lecture. I get there and it goes like usual, taking notes, and fighting sleep. The kid sitting in front of my lays his head back, invading my personal space and knocks out like a sucker punch from John Cena. Class ends and I see Mystery Model walking by the library looking as model-ly as ever. If I saw the dude in a magazine spread it wouldn't surprise me at all, his job title is in his nickname, duh. Back to the dorm room where Hazel and Krabs are going back and forth with their witty banter. I'm in a rush preparing tweets and pictures for "Dirty Pop" - the show I co-host on UVMtv. I make some Spongebob Squarepants macaroni and cheese and chuck the deuces to those crazy kids. It's on to the studio where we discover that we can't go live to the channels and the show won't be live on UStream either, so it's pretty much just for us. It's our most outrageous show yet, handsdown. The amount of funny that Jon Lott, Molly, Hailey's Comet, Allie and I brought to the episode shouldn't even be humanly possible. Wearing sunglasses, making fun of celeb babies like "Jermajesty" (Jermaine Jackson's kid) and of course the tweets of the week make the episode legendary. Time flies by when you're on TV. We finish and I head to the Ben & Jerry's shop upstairs for a smoothie. I make friends with the worker dude, he might be awesome and hilarious. I ask for gummy bears and he blends them in to my drink, that's dedication, everyone else just puts them awkwardly on top. I salute you, dimpled B&J Buddy - he looks like the blue ranger from Power Rangers SPD (my favorite season kiddies). From there, it's to the little restaurant, Brennan's, with Jandro to meet all the guys of the fraternity we're kind of being recruited for. It's a cool group of bros for sure. I'm in a hurry so it's back to the room by 7:11pm. I'm starvin like Marvin (not Marvin's room though) so Sam and I run to the Marché to swipe food and I only get to take two bites before we have to go to the IRA (inter-resident association) meeting. It's a long meeting, lasting an hour and a half, but we vote on our first piece of business, and it's a funny group of people so nobody notices how long we've actually been there. I'm spent and still hungry, so it's back to the Marché for more food with Sammy, Jimbo, and Jandro. A miniature debate on the size of my lips comes up, and it's back to the room to do math homework and sing. Wednesday night ends at about 1 am, and the endless day comes out with a countdown to never.

Thursday morning, I get up and am raring to go. I'm about to knock some tennis balls into oblivion and so I get all dressed and head over to the gym. The death machines known as the ball thingamabobs are sitting out and cones are present, this can't be good. The entire class we do these drills which require using everything we've learned so far to try and hit these cones. Oh you know I hit the center cone, the only one you're not supposed to hit. Then I took a flying ball to the knee cap, and the crank on the side of net, yeah, I got that indented in my leg. Clumsy me alright. By the end of class, all of us, Nasty-Nate, Gina, Rebecaa, Katie, Lysser, Big E, and Pretty Boy Evan were sweatier than Olympic athletes on a blazing hot day. I come back to the room and decide to feed myself. It's to Alice's Café for a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit with pomegranate-raspberry Snapple for myself, and wheat bagel with cream cheese for Krabs. I could care less that I look like a super-jock, smell like sweaty balls, and sound raspy from all the tennis grunts. It's show-show time for me, and I get all cleaned up, finally looking respectable and preptastic as usual. I go hardcore into math mode, powering through the rest of my homework like an obese linebacker charging the line, and studying for the upcoming test. Yeah, instead of watching TV and sleeping, I used my free time from 10-3:35pm to study. Clap for me, wherever you are, that takes a whole lotta effort. Well, seeing as I can't tell a lie (no I'm not honest Abe, I'm handsome Joteng), I did take like an hour to watch music videos on YouTube. I'm jamming to Jesse McCartney "How Do You Sleep" when I see this suggested video pop up, and it's this British boy band called One Direction. Tell me why I instantly become obsessed with their music. I just wikipedia the hell out of them and I even go as far as trying to trick ITunes into thinking I'm in England just be able to preorder their debut album, "Up All Night." Please watch their music video and tell em you're not hooked - One Direction "What Makes You Beautiful". Eventually I get back to work and continue to study for math, limits and all that calculus jazz. After watching a gruesome first few minutes of "The Hurt Locker" in Jandro's room, he, Jimbo and I head to the Marché for lunch. I get this greek dish, representing Jimbroni's culture, and while it's super-oniony, it was most deff on and popping. I'm soon straight out of time and my countdown to my imminent doom in the form of a math test begins. Math class is hilarious with everyone trying to legit pow-wow and rally to overthrow taking a test. It doesn't happen but the scrambling is at least humorous. I nod in and out of consciousness and I'm pretty sure my graduate student for a teacher was giving me deat glares. Sorry buddy, I'm sleep deprived and a mess. We get the test and I went OJ Simpson crazy on it. I murdered it just like OJ may or may not have killed his wife. It's on to plenary where we get some advising on being able to register for classes early. Oh the benefits of the Honors College. Jimbo pilfers some of my Twizzlers and Jandro chucks an invitation effectively trying to slice my lip. The crowd gets antsy and shut down by the Jamie Lee Curtis look-a-like in professor Schnell. Truthfully, we were all just counting down to never to get out of there.




Plenary ends and everybody dips the hell out of there like a turd being discovered at the bottom of a pool. My hallmate, Laura, walks with me to the Davis Center where it's totally bathroom time. I relieve myself with a whole lot of pee-peeing and countdown as I wash my hands, surgeon style. We walk to the Lafayette building and down into the hottest room quite possibly, ever known to man. It's like an Italian pizza oven in there and pre-med club is about to start. We have an army representative talk about getting medical school paid for and everybody seems interested, and I'm thinking, "Here's that awkward moment when you don't qualify for a scholarship because you've got lower-upper class problems." We get some pizza and eat it off paper towels, pre-med club quality right there, and a Kaplan tutoring representative schpeels about the MCAT. Again in my mind I conversing with myself, "My brother almost got a perfect on the MCAT and he tutors kids on it already, so nope don't need it, oh and I'm just a freshmen so dubs-tee-hhhh." Then our vice president, Dyl-Dawg (he doesn't know I call him that) lets us know the haps. It may have been one of the funniest rants ever, him hinting about people not following through with things. For sure, one of my favorite people ever. Pure comedy gold. The meeting ends and it's back to the dorms to get down to business. My homies from the studio, DT and Foxy Jack Steele premiere their out of control relationship advice show, Love Gurus, and let me tell you, it's a must see. The questions people were asking were straight unbelievable. Pubic hair, cancerous tumors, and dildos galore, what a mess. I'm trying to get myself ready to study and I'm creating a playlist of just One Direction songs and Jandro comes up and screams in my head, scarying me so badly that I'm almost sure I defecated in my plaid boxers. I have to countdown in my head just to stop from panicking. The dude may or may not have caused so much trepidation that I sharted in my pants, who does that? JaMocha Shake comes on by to proofread Krabs's essay for his Spanish class. Double-T brings around a big bag of candy and everyone from the floor is just sitting in the hallway hanging out. Soon, it's just me and JaMocha left in my room and we end up talking for 3 hours straight. Literally about everything, I might have spilled my heart and soul to that girl, I have no idea what came over me. I should have been studying for my test but that just didn't happen. Soul to soul to talks with a crush is way more important than any exam. It's midnight and Krabs wants to go beddy-bye so I go sit next to my armoir (that's suburban for closet) with my pillows, the excessively hot lamp, and my bottle of Canada Dry ginger ale. Jandro comes in and he's like, "Joteng, I'm not tired, can I just sit here with you" - I'm like whatevs, as long as I get to study. The kid brings up these images of hissing cockroaches and those deep sea fish, which I'm ridiculously afraid of. Don't judge me, a few practice questions and 2 am rolls around. Jandro passes out like a drowning dead man and I'm zoning in and out of fake sleep so it's just about time to hit the sac. I literally have to violently shake the kid like I'm giving him an exorcism to wake him up. Study light out and I lay in my bed counting down the hours until my exam. 2:30am to  a hopeful never.



Being a teenager is all about making the most out of all the time you have. Life is way to short to waste any moments on things that don't matter. Let yourself be free to just be you and have fun. Time management might be mondo importanté. You've got to learn to budget (I don't know even know that word emans) your time and spend it wisely (I know all about spending). In the back of your mind, there's always that countdown to never.



My blog post question for the day is ... what are you counting down to? Right now, there are 28 days left until Thanksgiving Break, and I so ready to head back to the Manor (why yes, I refer to my house as a manor, it is what it is) and see the fam-bam.