All A Dream

Being a teenager is all about realizing where you are at all times. I don't know about you all but for me coming home for winter break has been one super weird experience. I like keep forgetting where the heck I am, and when I think about my first semester of college it doesnt' even seem like it actually happened. It's been totally odd to not be in a dorm room and live the collegiate life of books, dining halls, walking, and not knowing anyone. It's been a crazy experience so far and I really wonder what adventure next semester holds. For now, I'm wondering if it was all a dream.

Do you want to know what I've been to for the past few days? I've been reconnecting with my high school friends and reacquainting myself with the suburbs. It was like I straight died, I don't know if people out here forget me or something but they're like shocked to see I'm still alive. I went to college, not shipped off to that no longer existent war in Iraq (#Obama). Let's see Monday was Panera bread with Chelsea. Tuesday I took a break from the social scene. Wednesday was the big reunion with dinner at TGIFriday's with Maddie, Chelsea, Katelyn, and Taylor before we all headed to Katelyn's house to trade stories and make fun of people with Rudy and Katie joining the fun. 5 teenagers in a car is always a hilarious time, especially trading roommate stories. We dropped off Maddie for a secret rendez-vous that was straight out of Lifetime movie. Thursday was a bromantic trip to a Chinese Buffet to go all out with Ben G. and Pauley. Afterwards messing around in the toy aisles of a Wal-Mart SuperCenter for an hour and a half where we met up with J.J. before proceeding to main event of the movie theatre. Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol was legitimately amazing. An awesome movie that had it all, tons of action, some deception, revenge, and even a sprinkle of humor. Tom Cruise has redeemed himself from the Oprah couch jumping incident, and Jeremy Renner is just a BA. Multiple days of friendship all leading up to the Friday and the wildness that was ice skating in downtown Cincinnati. Chelsea, Taylor, Rachel and I all met up at Tay-Jay's house to carpool down to the city. GPS loaded and we're cruising on the highway just like old times blasting Nicki Minaj and cracking jokes. We find a spot in the underground parking garage and take the Toyota Prius advertisement elevator up to Fountain Square. We get in line and wait for about an hour in line. People are looking ridiculous, preteens sucking face like they're both on team Edward and team Jacob, and country bumpkins wearing camouflage like they're hunting deer. Total mess, we get close to the ticket counter when they have to ghetto zamboni (lawn mower with squeegee box add-on) the ice taking an extra half hour. We all finally get skates, and they're raggedy as eff. None of them fit properly and I'm feeling like I'm wearing high heels. The moment of truth comes and it's onto the ice to get the hang of these things. People are tumbling, falling, and crashing all around us, being a total mess. Couples holding hands going out of control, speed demons zipping around, and we're all just trying to stay off the ground and keep our dignity. We get our skating in and hardcore peace out before the teenage couples can overwhelm the ice, total high school relationship problems. Dear lovey-dovey teens, do the rest of us class adolescents a favor, clear up your acne and stop trading your gum orally - neither are a good look, sincerely college kids. Oh goodness, there was too much to laugh at. We make it back to the suburbs where we stop at McDonald's for an out of control fest in a deserted parking lot. $19.08 on fries, burgers, drinks, and a Mighty Kids meal for me (with a semi-frozen parfait). Back home and the night is over just past midnight.

The friends who you truly connect with on a deeper level when you hang out with them it's like time didn't even pass. When I was my high school cliques, bromances, and bestiehood I didn't even notice a difference except that now we all dress way better (We're better looking, classier dressers and always look like we're ready to hit the runway #modelproblems) and have too many drunk people & roommate stories. It's like we all took an extended stay to sleepaway camp like Lindsay Lohan "Parent Trap" style and came back with epic stories of teenage debauchery with too many embarrassing moments to even recall. We all act like it was NBD that we've been separated for months, but it is kind of a huge deal. We all made it this far without seeing each other and we know we're going to make it in the long run. The most heartwarming part about all this is that we just fell back into place right where we left off. No awkwardness, and no unbearable silences, just flowing conversation and tons of laughter. I miss being wholeheartedly understood. Like when people do weird things and I laugh at them, everyone at school thinks I'm some kind of alien humanoid, but at home everyone laughs because we all inherently know why it's funny. Friends are the people that become your family because they love you without being related to you. Friendship has to be earned and it's not given out freely. Friends prove themselves and they know, and understand you like a teenage girl and her smartphone. Friends know what bothers you and go out of their way to see to it that none of those happen. It's super awkward at college when people cross the lines you have drawn, because they assume you're flipping out, when if they really knew you, they would know not to push that button. High school friends, yeah you've had longer to get to know them, but I gelled with my friends ASAP and we've been stuck together ever since. Ever leaving them must have only just a dream, because how could I have ever lived without them. If you can live without someone, they you don't really don't need them.

I can't honestly say that I miss college, proclaiming that would be a full-fledged lie. Now that I've had time to reflect on it and the people I've encountered I'm really not that pleased with the outcome. Yeah I've grown a little bit as a person and discovered truthfully how different my life is from everyone else's but those are lessons I would have eventually learned anyway. Other people have been tweeting and updating their facebook statuses about how much they miss their college but I am more than content with being at home, with people I know, food I enjoy, and in a bed that's only been slept on by yours truly. I like my college, but I wouldn't go as far to say that I love it. Does that sound like a transfer in the works, maybe ... maybe not? I was thinking about what I would miss most about my college and that's the few friends I've really connected with like my suitemates, Jandro, Cullen, and Krabs, Sammy, my lab partners, Em-Spica and Danny-Boy, Rikey, the TV studio staff, Hailey's Comet, Molly, Allie and Tricia, and of course my preptastic playboy for a bromantic brother, Chasey-Chase'em. Oh, and most of my hallmates like Lila, and Harrison. Other than that, not that much. Is that enough for me to stay, for second semester at least it's okay, but for sophomore year maybe not. I know for me my deciding factor in my college choice was my acceptance into the UVM Honors College, but really being a normal student at another school wouldn't be that different. U of Michigan, U of Virginia, Boston U, Northeastern or the waitlist at U of Pennsylvania might have been a better choice. Without financial aid from any of those colleges, including UVM, it was full-price, out of state, expensive as hell for all choices. Do I dream of my alternate life at any one of those places ... occasionally, but for now my eco-friendly, sassy, and semi-connected friends in Vermont will have to do. I think the major reason I'm not liking college is that I don't have my clique yet. I know cliques are totally high school and segregate people but they also keep you safe and secure knowing that these are your friends ... for life. In college, I haven't really found those people yet that understand me, as a person, that I feel comfortable with enough to trust, and it's not me, it's everyone else. I'm all about letting them into my life, but they're not reciprocating with telling me at theirs, but I'm for sure interested. It's a give and take relationship, and unless people step it up and bear their all, Joteng might be hardcore peacing out to the Green Mountain state. It's a all dream that turned into a nightmare that I can never forget.

Being a teenager is all about noticing your existence. Do you ever have to tell yourself that this is real life? Being away from college has had me doing that multiple times. I just forget where I am and have to reassure myself that I'm actually here. It's been a crazy whirlwind experience and something that I'll never forget, unless it was all a dream. BTW, it's not okay for TV shows and movies to do that, *cough, cough "Roseanne" entire last season. Not okay.

My blog post question for the day is ... have thought about transferring out of your college? Uhm, yeah, multiple times and it's because of people. You don't go from super popular to notable and be okay with it. I don't care about being liked, I care about being respected and having people that will be lifelong, ride or die, friends.


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