Good Eats

Being a teenager means that you can pretty much justify anything you do with being young. You all know I love to make up words, it's what I do. Some of my favorites being sketchtastic, slutsketeering, on the real, and backstabbing bia. But let me tell you some of the best teenage terms have to do with food. 16 and Pregnant, how about that dumb girl is Prego, like the meatball sauce. Tall glass of water, how about you could crack open a Coke with those full Angelina Jolie lips. And my personal favorite, she was like a Chinese Buffett, sweet and sour, and too much to handle. Get ready to compare everything to food, it's some good eats.

Last week's episode of Jersey Shore included allegedly bi-curious Deena, first of all, I'm calling bull freaking crap, little Deena the Dinosaur Dingo literally looks like a speckled reptilian egg, that girl was making out for no reason. She already had herself a Lean Cuisine in that disoriented Italian waitress, yup, there's that food term, so WTE (what/why the eff) was she doing with that average looking twin. Those girls were like going to Olive Garden when you could  be eating at Maggiano's, mediocre at best. Secondly, the Situation is the fakest person on that dang show, what's up with him all of a sudden going full lovey-dovey on Snooki. Thirdly, the fact that Abercrombie and Fitch paid the cast to stop wearing their clothes on the show, because it gave the company a bad name (the company with the mostly nude models and the ideas of perfect human beings, the dim lighting and the overpowering cologne everywhere) might be wild. I'm sorry about using a whole paragraph to give you updates on my TV obsession, I don't play games when it comes to my television consumption, so your gonna let me finish. Ronnie was actually hilarious and normal for an episode, the whole #Twinning thing was hilarious, like Level 5 stalker type of stuff, and then you see the preview from next week where everything gets out of control because him and Sam are once again back together. Don't get me started on Sam, I'm guessing her contract requires her to moan, complain and harass Ron-Ron about getting back together in every episode, oh and no one ever called her Sweetheart, get that outta here. Lastly, the fight between the Sit and Snookums, looked fake as hell, she was barely crying and I thought it was going to be wild, unlike next week where Mikey flips out, including spit spewing yelling matches with Ronnie, in his ugly ass A&F lime green sweatpants. That's not good eats, that's just piss-poor common sense.

Back to the teenage terms. So over the weekend, my future wifey, Keke Palmer, had her Nickelodeon show, True Jackson VP, end. SCGI (she can get it - VH1's Single Ladies catch phrase) anytime, anywhere, that girl owns my heart, however, after watching USA's Suits, Meghan Markle, that Hershey's Cookies 'n' Creme of a scrumptious woman can marry me also. There's your food term, properly used for someone of black/white mixed race. That dame is literally gorgeous, she's classy, well-spoken, smart and can give some attitude. I like my girls Spicy, like Tabasco sauce on everything spicy. Give me that heat, that passion that just ignites my soul. I need a girl who will disagree with me, fight back and stand for her opinion. Give me a challenge, like triple battered spicy hot wings without a glass of water in sight. Some of the best food terms are, heaping helping of woman or ice cold hunksicle. They bring to mind steaming hot mash potatoes, sure to get any boy hot and bothered, add some gravy, and that's a meal/relationship worth starting. Hunksicle is way better than man meat, sausage fest, or banana boat - it gives that tone of frozen solid masculinity with the combination of a Popsicle, who could pass up on such a delectable piece of person. Those are some good eats right there.

The ridiculousness never stops. The term sloppy seconds always brings to mind a half devoured sloppy Joe, ground beef and bun all over the place. Grosses you out, like it should. You shouldn't share food and you shouldn't share girlfriends/boyfriends, you'll get diseases from both #powpow the end. Girls with curly red hair, a rare sight, instantly called Shirley Temples which is coincidentally the drink I get at Steak and Shake #neverhaveiever had a milkshake from them before, just Sprite with Cherry mixed in. For anyone who looks a mess, a burrito, they may look like they have themselves together on the outside but take a bite and it's everything is all over the place, thrown together and rolled up. If you've never heard someone say, "that girl is sex on the beach" you haven't fulfilled your teenage obligations. I mean that girl, she literally looks like intercourse in the sand, under the sun, or just a mixed drink, either way, she can have her way with me. Now, I just made that up, as in right now, but I will say it one day and some girl will be flattered or else pour her bubbly all over me. That would be some good eats.

Being a teenager is all about being completely random. I realize this post might be a whole lot of wild, but as always I've got a ton to say and a unique way of saying it. I encourage you to break the mold, say things the only you can put them and turn some heads. Y'all ready for some good eats.

My blog post question for the day is ... what teenage terms have you made up? I'm the kid who came up with "you might be dumb as eff" - who knows how stupid that is exactly


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