Airborne

Being a teenager means that when you travel, you're going to have the most ridiculous time. One of my favorite blog posts was this month's "The Jet Set" about the outrageous encounters all revolving around air travel. Y'all know I'm on vacation in the nation's capital right now, and the journey to get here, even though it was a direct flight, could quite possibly be one of the horrendous voyages of all time. I'm talking dirty looks, tons of laughter, awkwardness, running passengers, rude businessmen, and ice cold temperatures. Get ready for another round of airport humor, we're about to get airborne.



The airport is just a wild place. If you think about it, there are so many people that you don't know in this world, and the airport is a place for of absolutely unbelievable characters. So my sister and I are are CVG, and our cousin bought are airplane tickets so we go up to the United Airlines ticketing counter and ask to be served. The little chica at the desk is like use your passport, so I flip to the back of the thing, because that's the only barcode I see; nope, I was wrong, she comes barging over and flips it to the front where my horrible picture is and it finally scans in. We proceed and I pay for my baggage, and then they notice that my sister has her bag to check in. $25 for the first bag, and then they charge me $35 for the second bag, isn't each passenger entitled to a bag, I was like WTE, and just wanted to move on. They were lucky, that I could care less about price, if my dad was there he would have overturned desks to get his money back. Meanwhile, we're trying to get our boarding passes printed and this middle aged dude is talking to young chick, and he goes "do you know what smushing is" - I'm like really, seriously, right now, here, in public. She was like no, what is it, and he goes "you know, like doing the nasty, getting freaky, hot and heavy, bang-banging, making the bed rock, and it just kept going" - all the young airline people were literally geeking out. When old people use terms from the Shore, you know it's time to dip out, and get airborne.



So we make it to security. The worst place in the airport, I always wear socks with sandal sliders so I can just slip them off. I proceed through the scanner, and it's this new 7 second thingy, where you have to stand legs spread apart, arms above your head, like you're on Cops. Like for real, I'm not a terrorist, chill with all that. I retrieve my stuff and we were off to the terminal. We stopped for some candy, this stuff was hugely overpriced, but no price is not worth paying for some candy. The lady at the counter was so nice, it was awesome, Swedish fish and gummy bears for me, caramel popcorn for the girlie. We go see where we should be boarding and the place is literally jam packed, everyone literally stares at us when we walk by, like relax, we're just some wild teenagers. We go to sit next to the bar, where this guy is belligerently drunk, I'm talking stumbling, slurred words and airport security having to escort his wasted ass outta there. So we're sitting there, making fun of people, like we always do, and this lady is just slowly strolling like texting or something. The intercom comes on and this mean looking bia comes fast walking toward her, she walks like right behind her, and the random lady is just like crossing everywhere, and they call for the late chick again. She goes, "I'd be coming if some people would learn to walk and move" as she deliberately shouldered the random lady. It was like awesome, we completely lost it. Like 10 people saw it and we were all astonished, like is this high school, damn lady be civil. If you weren't shopping for shimmy shimmy lip gloss, you would already be ready to board. Ready to get airborne. 



Eventually people leave and we go sit closer to the gate. Our pilot comes into the waiting area to let us know that it's like a torrential downpour in DC so our flight is delayed 2 hours. Whatevs, it just gave me time to relax and blog. All of a sudden this dude, come and sits directly back to back with me, leans his chair and is like popping my chair in and out. I sit up, and it's not a big deal. Then he gets this call, and he talks for literally 45 minutes, loudly, and obnoxiously. He was like, "I'm at some crappy airport, CVGay or something. This terminal looks like an animal farm, and it feels weird too, like they forgot that people were supposed to sit here." Everyone around us turns to look at him with the evil eye, and the oblivious telephone douche keeps rambling on rudely. The lady across from his was sitting criss cross applesauce and nosily he talks, "this weird grown woman in front of me is sitting like a freak, crossed up like a little kid, what's up with this place and these people" - and you know the lady heard him, everyone heard him. I finally turn around and he hangs up the phone, mister measly voice is actually a buffed out Italian dude. He gets up and leaves, and I just announce, good riddens, people that heard me started clapping. Seriously, so airborne right now.



Being a teenager is all about hilarious travel experience. We board the plane,with literally 6 people on it, total. We got to sit wherever we wanted. Our male flight attendant was geekable. He was cracking jokes and making funny noises over the intercom, and referred to be buddy/champ. It was awesome. We were stopped for another 20 minutes, then we took off. It was seriously freezing, I'm talking, dry ice fog filling the cabin cold, check the picture. And this twenty-something dude kept asking ridiculous questions, stuff that I would, looking like Patrick J Adams from USA Network's Suit. It was hilarious. Land at IAD, and navigate the maze to get to the tram/trains thingies. Almost fell standing to be transported, grabbed our luggage and peaced out. So airborne people.


My blog post question for the day is ... best part of airports? Uhm, all the escalators, the crazy people, and the annoyed flight personnel.

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