the Jet Set

Being a teenager means that sometimes you're going to have to board an airplane. Let me tell you, it's always a funny experience being airborne. The process just to get their is literally hilarious. Last time I was at the airport, I was connecting for my flight from Cleveland to Dayton, Ohio. So I get off the airplane, wielding my carry on bag like it was literally a sword, cutting through the crowd and making my way to the next terminal. I see rude business men sporting their first class rights like nobody's business, disoriented mothers running a muck searching for their children, and alone teenager like me, pretty much hanging out like it's no thing. I think all our flights are boarding, get ready to take off, and indulge in airplane horror stories with the jet set.

To get to the next departure there was this underground tunnel type thingy, and you can either walk or sort of sprint in the moving sidewalk escalator contraptions. I was under the misconception that just standing on it and letting it carry you was fine, this lumberjack looking, beard sprouting, husky man comes barreling down the pathway and pushes me aside, saying pick up the pace or get out of the way. I'm wearing my Adidas slides, as in classic So Random "Socks with Sandals" (I don't do barefeet and sandals, wasp stories, ooph) and seeing as I wear size 13, and my feet are flat and wide, I come to the end of the first sidewalk and completely fall on my face. Laughter ensues from the people behind me, I collected myself and proceeded to the next death trap sidewalk. This time I'm pretty much sprinting, and you know I once again fell. Then on the escalator upwards to the terminal, I fell again. It's the freaking sandals, or else I may or may not just be clumsy as hell. I can see my gate at the end of whole shaboing-boing, but there's a Subarro - that's some greasy big ass pizza right there, and I wanted to get me some since I hadn't eaten since like orientation brunch. The lady in front of me in line was pretentious, wearing her sunglasses inside, clutching her purse, and obvious botox all over her face. The chick ordered a salad, with dressing on the side, like get out of here, some of us are hungry teenage boys. I got my order and the cashier chica like winked at me, she was deff cute, but I like girls who are my age only, other than Stacey Dash (the woman doesn't age) - she can get it, whenever. I go to sit down next to window after spotting a fellow teenager rocking his Beats by Dr. Dre. Handshake ensues and I sling that slice back like there's no tomorrow. His flight boards and I'm left with these super stereotypical group of black people. I'm not being ignorant or exaggerating, they were sitting there eating hot wings out of a plastic baggie like a Ziploc bag. WTE, did they get that from. They started arguing amongst themselves if Tupac was still alive, clapping and shouting all included, everyone else looked scared. I was just dying laughing (BTW, the rapper is most deff still alive, he lives in Cuba, for sure faked his death). And of course my plane was all ready to go, but somehow the pilot hadn't arrived from Virginia so an extra 1 and a half hour wait was in order. Didn't matter, I blasting some music and blogging so I was all good. I wasn't about to leave for the jet set just yet.

So there's this kid, looks awkward as heck, like full on nerd. I'm talking pocket protector, retro glasses, and a Nintendo DS hardcore gaming to Yu-Gi-Oh. His parents were sitting next to me, just as awkwardly. His mother was knitting, like lady we're in an airport, get with this century. The randomness continued when the kid bought some candy and his step-dad was like that's coming out of your allowance. He was like, you're not my real dad, so you can't tell me what to do. Ooph, this was a major problem, for sure did not want to hear this. Of course it would happen to me. So finally I boarded my flight, and I'm sitting next to the window with this rude dude. Didn't say one word to me, I was like, excuse me, I think I'm sitting there. He looked annoyed as eff, and was jamming to some 80's soft-rock on his primitive ipod shuffle like he was somebody. The flight attendant came around and snatched the earbuds off his head after he didn't get the memo to powerdown all electronics. It was pitch back outside but when we were in the air, you could see the lightning flashing and like a rim or bright light it was crazy. The flight was only 36 minutes but I've never felt like I was going to die more than I did then. Turbulence like a mofo, with us dropping like it was hotter than Sun Drop at a moment's notice. We would shake and shimmy, and if I wasn't listening to the soothing sounds of Shane Harper "Hideaway" I would have been panicking. It was like a bad rollercoaster. We touched down, I grabbed my stuff and got the hell out of there. Snatched up my luggage and went outside to wait for my dad to pick me up. All the businessmen immediately lost their brag when their little cars pulled up, and there was me getting into the Benz, deal with it rejects. That was a flight experience I'll never forget. I was on the jet set.

The stories I could tell you all of my flying experiences could go on for days. So I had a Green Mountain Cab pick me up from the University of Vermont campus and take me to the Burlington International Airport, it was like a 10 minute ride. The driver asked me if I wanted to stop for food, I was like, no I'm good, I'm trying to catch a plane. I get to the airport and there's this man trying to get a baggage, who knew they delivered mail on civilian planes. The lady at the counter asked him to move and give him the up and down, like get the heck outta here. She checked me in and I proceeded to security. The officer who checked my ID was a twenty-something, he saw I was from Cincinnati, OH and asked me if I liked Skyline, I was like no, and then we pounded fists. It was so bro, literally everyone in VT is super laid back. I get to the place to put my stuff and this Abercrombie looking male model type dude with a scruffy beard was the evaluating officer. He could only be like 3 years older than me, and I was right, he was a UVM student too. I was geeking out. He asked me how orientation was as that super invasive full body scanner rotated around me. Apparently I'd been selected for random search, he pulled me to the side and was like bro bro, you're good, I know you're not packing anything dangerous. Too funny, let me pass through, not like I'm a terrorist or anything. The girl behind me was just about his college age, and there was most definitely some hardcore flirting going down. This place is awesome. The terminal was one room, literally gates 3-8 all in one place, with a little newspaper stand and a coffee shop, nothing else. I bought some multi-colored Swedish Fish and proceeded to knock out a whole book. For once I got to read, the lady sitting next to me was in faux fur everything, like even her carry on had it, and she was just gossiping up a storm. She almost didn't board, luckily I came back to get her. Lol, it was for sure an eventful day. I'm on my jet set.

Being a teenager means racking up those frequent flyer miles. I'm telling you airplane food is a mess. It seems so prepackaged and distasteful. Like who even came up with the stuff. And if I ever get hijacked I'm finna kill somebody for sure. I'm on the jet set.

My blog post question for the day is ... what can't you stand about flying?
The judgy looks when you board the plane, like why is everybody looking at you when you walk down the aisle. People, I'm not getting married.


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